So here's where I'm at right now:
I have no idea where I'm living this fall
I don't know how I'm going to make my first school payment
I don't know how many piano students I will have(so my income is very uncertain)
I don't know if I'm gonna get any financial aid this year
My savings account is empty now
Yea... so my financial future is looking rather bleak. haha Lord help me if my car breaks down.
This is somewhat unfamiliar territory for me. I have always been a saver and careful with my money. I paid for my car in full without help. I paid my own way through community college. I don't like asking for money. I like to be self sufficient. I can trust myself. Its harder to trust someone else. :-/ I guess that's a problem that needs to be addressed...
Perhaps that's why God has me in this very unstable situation. I got nothin. Nothin but Him. When one gets to that place, one has to run to God. One NEEDS God. I need God. I need Him to provide a place to live, a source of income, a way to pay for college.
People have been telling me to "trust God with all your heart" all my life. Its alot easier said than done.
But then I look back and I can't find a time when He's ever let me down. So why am I unsettled? Stupid fear. Lack of trust. Why do I doubt? He's gonna come through.
I will keep praying for the strength to trust.
The courage to live without doubt.
Even when things don't quite work out the way I thought.
He DOES have a plan.
And He'll let me know all in His perfect time.
I DO believe that. I just forget sometimes...
I don't know if there was any great point to this post. haha Just reminding myself and anyone who reads this that God is faithful. That He will provide. I'm learning to trust Him. Persevere in times of uncertainty. "Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured his love into out hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5
I will praise Him anyway!
Joyfully,
~MJ~
3 comments:
Great thoughts and observations Missy. Indeed our lives are to be a doulos or slave to the Lord. Wish I had known that when I was younger. Pursuing career, entertainment and pleasure or traps of the American Dream and not part of the Kingdom of God. There is only satisfaction in losing our lives, and serving Him and His desires for us.
you should write a song, this sounds like one of those times, when we are tested, to learn to trust Him, Love Him, no matter what our condition, health or no health, money or no money, that He get the most glory in all our times. one thing for sure, when we go through these dessert times, you give Him worship and glory, relationship intimate in love times with Him, that you wouldnt be able to other wise. and when you pass the other side, of that dessert time, well, you look back and say, wow how sweet time, wouldnt wanna be without it. He loves you, so He is growing you and me too. i remember those times sweet Missy, in college, living out of my car, staying literally on campus overnight when needed to study, and just because gas was so expensive! but you are right, He would make a way, someone would invite me to stay the night at their place (aunt in town) or another friend would say join us for dinner, or such. . . He is able to provide for you, and me...the obedience of our hearts in utter dependence on Him, will be all we need..He will move the hearts and open divine appointments, provision physical and spiritually for you to have all that you need for today. and I cant wait to hear how that happens...your blog itself, is a prayer, asking the Lord, Your Lord, to be. He is Your Sheperd, you shall not want...he restores your soul, and leads you in His paths of righteousness, right thinking in Him, for His Name sake. He will keep you in perfect peace because you trust in Him. Cant wait to see you my friend, encouragement and I join you to praise Him! let everything that has breath praise the Lord! Let the redeemed of the Lord, say so! Love you, Liz
Missy, this is cool because Paul talks about how he rejoices in weakness because it gives God room to be strong! This is an awesome time for God to really show how strong he is in your life. I cant wait to see how he comes through for you, LOVE YOU!!!
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